Re: Things XCOM Operatives are not allowed to do (XCOM: RWBY Within)
by LoamLapse
Summary: After the incident in the Geoscape, Bradford, Dr. Vahlen and Dr. Shen decide they need to continue updating the infamous list of "Things XCOM Operatives are not allowed to do." - Based on DrAmishMd's RWBY Within story and of course on the original "Things XCOM Operatives are not allowed to do."


**Hello person who stumbled upon this. _If you haven't read DrAmishMD's "XCOM: RWBY Within" I'd recommend you to do so_ , as this little tribute thingie I've written has more than a few spoilers of varying weight. That, and this piece doesn't really stand up on it's own legs, being based on it.**

Anyway, with the spoiler warning/recommendation out of the way, whether or not you're familiar with the original _" **List of things X-com Operatives are not allowed to do**." _ I would recommend googling it and having it open in a separate window, more than a few entries in this list will refer to the old rules. That and it's never wrong to re-read that particular google doc.

 _Ctrl+F_ will also be your friend while reading my little tribute. Hopefully you'll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

So yes, this I felt was a nice idea for a tribute to the fantastic and completed story by DrAmishMD. The characters in his story kept mentioning the list, so I thought it would only be logical to assume the silly exploits would continue being listed with the introduction of the RWBY elements. Yang never broke nearly as many rules as I wrote her having done, but I could easily enough imagine her being an absolute headache for the top brass.  
And what of the base staff and the operatives? If they already tried things like extending missions by mindcontrolling thin-men to play tag with them before the hunters even arrived to Earth, what would they do to haze operatives with personal forcefields that minimize risks? Let's find out...

* * *

From: **J. Bradford**  
Subject: **Things X-COM Operatives are not allowed to do  
** Date: **10** **.09.2012  
** To: **All**

Since yesterday's incident in the Geoscape has roused a great number of questions and spawned an even greater number of baseless rumors, we feel it's time to update the set of rules Dr. Shen, Dr. Vahlen and I have written over the course of this long war, which the personnel have come to refer to as " _The list_ " or " _Things X-COM Operatives are not allowed to do_."

 ** _This email will be sent to everyone and it will be re-sent as it is updated, unlike the first set of the rules which were handed out in paper. Dr. Shen has seen to it that emails with this subject will be treated by the system as very important, so you will not miss them. Failure to stay informed on, or to follow up on these rules, will be met with disciplinary action._**

* * *

 **172.** Yes, there was a situation in the Geoscape room when four unidentified women appeared seemingly out of nowhere. They laid down their arms and are being held until we know more about them. We would like the staff to not spread wild rumors about them. A few of the more persistent ones shall be listed below.  
 **172a.** They're not aliens until proven otherwise.  
 **172bi.** They're not from another dimension.  
 **172h.** They're not X-COM's "New hope" or "secret weapon".  
 **172oiii.** They've not brought us "Phlebotinum", whatever that is.  
 **172m.** They do not have superpowers.  
 **172xii.** Due to multiple requests from the personnel, the above passages have been restored. We also found them quite amusing in hindsight.  
We however refuse to restore **172u.** as Remnant and Earth's flow of time differing from one another does not mean Strike 8 were time travelers or " _temporally displaced_ ".

* * *

 **173.** We are quite certain they're not aliens, so stop bothering Dr. Vahlen with name suggestions. On this topic, Captain [Redacted], you've named your fair share already, let someone else have a go for once.  
 **173a.** No, the naming isn't part of any "dissection ritual" of Dr. Vahlen's either. The names they themselves have shared with us will do just fine.  
 **173b.** We're neither dissecting or vivisecting them, as a matter of a fact they'll soon be joining Major [Redacted] and Corporal [Redacted] on a mission.  
To discourage such suggestions in the future, after this entry, **_we will no longer redact your names in this list_.** Do not try your luck, Sergeant [Redacted].  
 **173c.** Emergency surgery does not count as a vivisection. Stop trying to prove these entries wrong, Sr. Eng. Riviera.

* * *

 **174.** Whoever keeps doing it, stop catcalling whenever Strike 8 passes you in the hallway. It's highly disrespectful, not to mention they're not of age. Think about that.  
 **174a.** Bradford has been made aware of the hypocrisy of sending teens onto dangerous missions, thank you very much for pointing this out, Sr. Eng. Riviera.  
 **174b.** Specialist Xiao-Long, these rules apply to all troops, from both Earth and Remnant.

* * *

 **175.** Bradford would like to remind the personnel that despite the old rules not being displayed in this email, they are still very much in effect. Corporal Biggs, **13c**.  
 **175a.** Lance Corporal Jackson, **122.** and **122a.** Specialist Schnee even came to us to apologizing profusely for "insulting our beliefs". You owe her an apology for that.  
 **175b.** Specialist Xiao-Long, **98c.  
175bi.** And now **58.** Even if you're part of "Team RWBY".  
 **175bii.** And **116b.** Congratulations on your win.  
 **175biii.** And **167\. "** Code Tokyo"? Who even told you about these things Sgt. Xiao-Long? **  
175c.** Captain Stieber, **80.**  
 **175ci.** No, just because they have not seen Chrysalids yet does not make it any better.  
 **175cii.** _Now they have._ Captain Stieber, we warmly recommend you dispose of that can before Strike 8 gets back.  
 **175d.** We had a close call today regarding L. Cpl. Arc and **27.** The only reason this will not be a court martial case is because his Aura broke the syringe's tip on contact.  
 **175di.** Captain Olsen, please report to the training grounds. L. Cpl. Nikos has offered us to give you a once in a lifetime chance to get a hand-to-hand combat lesson from a huntress. Attendance is mandatory.

* * *

 **176.** Asking our guests about their home, culture, history and technology is appreciated. Any data should be recorded and then forwarded to the archivists or Dr. Vahlen.  
 **176a.** With that said, stop asking them about chainswords or how to build them. Rules **65c.** and **65d.** people!  
 **176ai.** And just to be safe, we have updated the original list with **65e.  
** (" _L. Cpl. Rose is prohibited from designing anything chainsaw related_.")  
 **176b.** It has come to our attention that L. Cpl's. Schnee and Belladonna have seen one back in Remnant. The reasons behind the science team's efforts to establish a stable gateway to Remnant have not changed.  
 **176bi.** Nor were they ever related to gaining access to chainsaw-weapons of any kind. Spreading such rumors lowers Strike 8's morale.  
 **176c.** Sharing our culture with them is also a commendable act, however, we're not sure if C. McAuley should be the one spearheading this project.  
 **176ci.** L. Cpl. Belladonna is to stop filling the library's search engine with variations of the author name "Patty Berdioler". **  
176d.** Interest in Remnant's weaponry is an admirable trait and we ourselves are looking to incorporate some of L. Cpl. Rose's designs to our MECs, but please stop asking her to design/build you Hunter weapons. She either doesn't know how to say no or isn't aware of rule **40.** Whatever the case, stop it.  
 **176e.** Despite our early skepticism, the prototype of a plasma pistol capable of turning into a plasma blade has proven itself quite versatile. We'd like to remind you all that it is still to be considered a firearm first and a blade second.

* * *

 **177.** Stop trying to bypass the rules by coaxing Strike 8 into breaking them for you.  
 **177a.** Stop trying to bypass laws by instigating members of Strike 8 to break them for you. Being both unaware of our world's laws and technically not existing due to the top-secret nature of their involvement in the X-COM project,  
they will not face criminal charges. You on the other hand do not have this luxury.  
 **177b.** Sergeants Watson and Jenkins, report to Bradford's office immediately. Your addiction to ice cream has gotten out of hand.

* * *

 **178.** Members of Strike 8 are not aware of all our customs. They're eager to learn and will take your word at face value. Trying the following again is frowned upon:

\- Thanking the automated doors leading to the Geoscape. Stop doing that.  
\- Strike 8 be advised, we do not have a "base AI". If the door doesn't respond, you have not hurt its feelings. If it does, that's Corporal Tillerson's ventriloquism.

\- Switching the places of documents and fictional movies in our library's video wing.  
\- Same goes for books.  
\- H.P. Lovecraft's works, while revered by many, are not religious texts.

\- Telling them they need to take a shot for every picture on the memorial wall.

\- Starting to pray or weeping hysterically when the smoke detector in the mess hall goes off. This nearly caused a base wide panic when one of them ran to Geoscape to report the alarm. We do not want to see this happen ever again.

\- Stop drawing hopscotch grids near the armory, the titan armors make unbearable amounts of noise. Also, stop telling them hopscotch is good for testing the armor's maneuverability. The engineers don't appreciate the extra wear-and-tear.

\- When out of duty, Strike 8 is confined within the base for reasons of security both theirs and the outside world's. It is not because the rest of the world has perished in a nuclear inferno.

* * *

 **179.** Can someone from Strike 8 please report to R&D immediately? One of our staff broke a vial of dust and accidentally inhaled the contents through their nose. We are not sure how to proceed. - (Dr. Vahlen)  
 **179a.** Researchers wanting to experiment with dust must now have a member of the senior staff overlooking their experiments. Dust is a volatile and limited substance and as such any ideas regarding it's testing should be discussed before putting into action. Laboratory Technician Smith survived his attempt to weave dust into cloth. The sweater did not.  
 **179b.** Whoever broke the vial of ice dust in the chemical storage, please report to Medical. We've found your finger and it's still preserved enough that it can be reattached.

* * *

 **180.** No more trading dollars, euros, yen or any other currency for Strike 8's hard-earned credits. While they are technically not losing in these trades, they cannot use currency other than credits since they are not allowed to leave the base unless deployed.  
 **180a.** Stop coming up with ways to get them to pay for your drinks before we are forced to make a rule specifically against that.

* * *

 **181.** To those of you getting free drinks on Strike 8's tab by declaring it to be an Earth exclusive holiday, rest assured you will be made reimburse any conned transactions.  
 **181a.** This goes double for any holidays related to " _Commanderism_ " and by double we mean the amount of credits reimbursed.  
 **181b.** Willing to let it slide as a morale boosting injoke we have allowed you to have " _Commandersgiving_ " but never before has it involved the "uniniated" buying drinks to the "faithful". Do not make me take it away from you. - (Bradford)  
 **181c.** Requests to change the name of " _Commandersgiving_ " to " _Commanderfest_ " have and will continue being denied. Just buy your own drinks people.

* * *

 **182.** Specialist Xiao-Long is to cease coaxing her sister into buying her rounds, even if she doesn't make full use of her credits they're still hers.  
 **182a.** Same goes for your Huntress-partner and your sister's Huntress-partner.  
 **182b.** In anticipation, we have added the freshly arrived team "Juniper" onto this entry.

* * *

 **183.** Specialist Belladonna has told us about the friendly and accepting way the base personnel and fellow troops have reacted to her reveal of her "Faunus" heritage. However, in case she ends up saving your life or you find some other reason to thank her for her performance, we are sure she would appreciate verbal expressions of gratitude or a free drink a lot more than canned fish.  
 **183a.** With the introduction of the Faunus gene mod, X-COM now employs half a dozen Faunus-modded operatives. Stop referring to them as the "litter".  
 **183ai.** In fact, stop it with the cat puns in general.  
 **183b.** Requests of our Faunus-modded troops for bows, collars and other cat related accessories will continue to be denied. If L. Cpl. Belladonna doesn't need them, neither will you.  
 **183bi.** Major Okonjo has been permitted one scratching tree for his newly and unexpectedly developed claws.  
 **183bii.** Operative who shall remain unnamed, your Albendazole has arrived and can be picked up from Medical. We are not sure how you came to need it, but we do know it's not because of the gene-mod. Nobody else has this problem.

* * *

 **184.** L. Cpl. Rose is to stop blindly accepting all requests from troops under ranking her. There's being nice and there's being unable to refuse. The plasma pistol-knife hybrid has been confiscated. Related to this, rule **176** has been updated with **176d.**

* * *

 **185.** Sergeant Xiao-Long, enough with the arm and leg puns.  
 **185a.** Less puns in general would be very much appreciated.

* * *

 **186.** We're happy to welcome team "Juniper" into X-COM, Strike 8 and to Earth. The red carpet and the row of operatives kneeling before them when they entered the barracks was a bit too much however.  
 **186a.** Stop calling them the B-team when they're not within earshot. Most of them have a better hit-to-miss ratio than you anyways.

* * *

 **187.** It is admirable how quickly the base personnel befriended our new arrivals, even going so far as to set up a welcoming party in the cafeteria. The buffet tables were a nice touch but just because members of Strike 8 have shared a food fight did not mean you needed to do "make them feel home". **  
187a.** We have three people bedridden and one who had his jaw dislocated from repeated blunt force trauma _with a fish._ **  
187ai.** That was before any of our hunters even joined the fray. **  
187b.** We are not weaponizing food, no matter _how_ creatively the hunters wielded it.

* * *

 **188.** _ **Any personnel near members of team "Juniper" please relay them these messages:**  
_ **188a.** The Titan armors we took your measurements for are ready for fitting in the armory.  
 **188b.** Please visit the Psionic laboratories so we can book your testing dates. The sooner this is gotten out of the way the better. _  
_ **188c.** We have asked samples of your "Lien" for our archivist's project of "Encyclopedia Remnant". We have _not_ authorized Lt. Dudley to come and collect them from you. _  
_ **188d.** There are no mandatory "aura checks" involving Arc Throwers.  
 **188di.** Should you see Sgt. Xiao-Long walking towards you with one hand held behind her back, you're advised to evacuate the room immediately.

* * *

 **189.** While very amusing, would the person who uploaded the footage of Specialist Valkyrie eating pancakes to the theme of Hitchcock's "Psycho" please take it down. One of our insignias is visible in the video and we'd like that censored before reuploading it.  
 **189a.** Specialist Valkyrie, from now on please chew your food with your mouth closed.

* * *

 **190.** Colonel Zhang, your request for a dozen car tires to be spread in the hallway leading to the firing range has been declined. Other people than Specialist Arc need to use that pathway as well. **  
190a.** Colonel Zhang has been permitted one set of Titan armor for increasing Specialist Arc's carrying weight for his early morning laps. Tripwires and other obstacles have been denied for the same reason as the tires.  
 **190b.** Colonel Zhang's request for a Xiangqi board has been granted, but we refuse to give him the jumper cables, car battery and 10 liters of saltwater unless he explains in detail what they have to do with Chinese chess and what he plans on doing with them.  
 **190c.** Beyond that, we would also like to know what Chinese Chess has to do with L. Cpl. Arc's training.

* * *

 **191.** While we too find the culture and history behind their color themed names and hunter teams fascinating, if you wish to come up with a team name for your squad you're on your own. Stop bothering Strike 8 and visit our library for some dictionaries. **  
191a.** While Strike 12's name is admittedly clever, we cannot permit making it your official call sign.  
 **191ai.** Strike 16 be advised, "Labrador" is not a color.  
 **191aii.** As noted to us by Sr. Eng. Riviera, "Labrador" is a shade of blue. _Thank you._ **  
191b.** We will neither give permit to use your new color inspired names during missions as your individual call signs nor will we make it mandatory to address you with those when you're off-duty.  
 **191bi.** Senior Engineer previously known as Barry Riviera, you had no interest in a Huntsman name until you figured a way you could use it to bypass a rule. Senior Engineer Berry River, having legally changed your name we're obliged to refer to you with your new name. You have beaten us. Your new ID-card will arrive in a few weeks. Now please never bring this up again.  
 **191bii.** Sr. Eng. River has pointed us that the color themed names are not "Huntsman" names, but "Remnant" names.

* * *

 **192.** To hamper any EXALT infiltrators' movements in the facility, entering the bathrooms will now require you to swipe your ID-card to check your clearance. _Stay vigilant, everyone._  
 **192a.** Due to legal reasons showing your ID-card will now be mandatory before receiving alcohol.  
 **192b.** There has been a bit of a misunderstanding. Members of Strike 8 are still cleared for alcoholic beverages if they show their ID-cards, just like _everyone_ _else._  
 **192c.** Buying alcoholic beverages for _someone_ unwilling to produce an ID-card will now result in loss of rights to buy said beverages.

* * *

 **193.** Base personnel are to stop making bets about Specialists Arc and Nikos.  
 **193a.** Base personnel are to stop trying to set up "scenes" for the specialists to manipulate their chances of winning.  
 **193ai.** Psi-operatives are to stop offering their services to the bet makers. It is both highly immoral and cheating.  
 **193aii.** Base personnel are to stop insinuating that Central Officer Bradford, Dr. Shen and Dr. Vahlen have their own betting ring. This is not true.  
 **193b.** Whistling "Careless whisper" while passing them does not work since they have no context for the tune. It's however a great way of informing us that you're breaking rule **193.  
193c. **L. Cpl. Arc is now sauntering around the base, whistling "Careless whisper" completely off-tone. I hope we've all learned our lesson from this. **  
193d.** Will the person who set the candlelit table in the middle of the hallway leading from the firing range to the barracks please report to their superior officer for kitchen duty? This is not a punishment; your Spaghetti Bolognese was amazing.

* * *

 **194.** L. Cpl. Ren has requested that he is to be left alone while he meditates. The man doesn't ask for much so we have promised to grant him this.  
 **194a.** To specify, leaving him alone doesn't just mean leaving him out of the conversation.  
 **194b.** Building a house of cards on top of an operative trying to concentrate is both unheard of and incredibly childish. Rest assured the punishment will be similar in kind.

* * *

 **195.** Strike 8's request for the use of melee weaponry, more specifically their own, has been approved with the full recovery of their "Auras". This innate defense of theirs protects them from harm while their many years of combat training allow them to use their tools to dispatch their targets quickly and efficiently.  
 **195a.** So to all of you duct taping knives and axeblades to your pistols and rifles, _don't even bother._  
 **195b.** Stop pestering them to unlock your Auras. We still don't know the specifics of this process and what risks it might entail to a non-Remnant human.  
 **195c.** All operatives trying to unlock their aura's through New-age medicine, be advised that any expenses occuring from such will not be covered by X-COM and that you will be laughed at. We must still demand that you record your experiments just in case.  
 **195d.** Psi-operatives are to stop trying to unlock their or anyone else's Aura with psionics. What we know of this "manifestation of the soul" is that it's reaction to psionic abilities is an undesirable one. You can ask Sgt. Xiao-Long or her sister about this.  
 **195di.** The earlier was not meant as an invitation to ask Lt. Rose to try unlocking your aura with her newly developed gift. The resulting headache will be punishment enough for breaking this rule.  
 **195dii.** Lt. Rose, rule **184.** has not gone anywhere.

* * *

 **196.** Captain Stieber, it seems we have lost your Psi-evaluation files. Please report to Psionics for another round of testing.  
 **196a.** After that, you can come and pick up your playing cards from Bradford's office.  
 **196b.** Then we can get started on your punishment.

* * *

 **197.** While it is good to see that members of Strike 8 have regained their Auras and Semblances, _we would like for you to experiment with those in the training grounds._  
 **  
197a.** Lt. Rose is to stop running in the hallways.  
 **197ai.** While also a matter of workplace safety, the cleaning staff are tired of picking up your rose petals.  
 **197aii.** Running rounds in the training grounds is good if you're practicing, but we have noticed you collecting and storing your petals. We don't know what you're planning but please remember rules **91.** and **193a.  
** **  
197b.** Sgt. Schnee, the "time distortion glyph" you used near the server room messed up the internal clock causing a system crash. See to it that you don't use that glyph near any electronic devices again.  
 **  
197c.** Sgt. Belladonna, leaving awkward conversations by using your semblance is not good manners. Sgt. Jackson nearly had a heart attack seeing your arms and legs evaporate before your torso and head followed. **  
197ci.** Even if you thought your semblance would have worked correctly, it still wouldn't have been polite.  
 **  
197d.** Sgt. Xiao-long, while we understand that hitting your fists together is your way of jump starting your semblance, the fingers on your mechanical limbs are very delicate, not to mention expensive to replace.  
 **197di.** Getting people to punch you just breaks their fingers.  
 **197dii**. Stop using your semblance to change your eye color so you can convince people you've dropped your contacts. You're slowing down the engineering and science departments' progress.  
 **  
197e.** L. Cpl. Arc, just because your large aura reserves allow you to withstand severe amounts of harm doesn't mean you're obligated to show it whenever prompted. On side note, Captain Stieber, **102.** , last warning.  
 **  
197f.** L. Cpl. Valkyrie is to stop using Arc Throwers to substitute her need to sleep.  
 **197fi.** On the topic of Arc Throwers, even if he is a heavy sleeper and slow to wake up, stop using Arc Throwers to wake up your huntsman-partner.  
 **  
197g.** L. Cpl. Nikos, please operate doors like everyone else does. We've had more than a few bloodied noses from staff walking into doors they thought to have been automated.  
 **197gi.** L. Cpl. Nikos, we both know L. Cpl. Arc cannot bench press that much, even if it seems he himself has been convinced so. Let him hit his limits so he can break them. – (Col. Zhang)

* * *

 **198.** All operatives with Bioelectric skin be advised that skin contact with L. Cpl. Valkyrie _will_ drain your reserves and render you unconscious for several hours.  
 **198a.** We can thank Sgt. Parks for this discovery. Just a reminder to all operatives with Bioelectric skin that you're are still prohibited from asking people  
to pull your finger.  
 **198b.** L. Cpl. Valkyrie shouldn't ask operatives with Bioelectric skin to pull her finger either.

* * *

 **199.** Whoever keeps stealing all the tuna-cheese melts before anyone else wakes up for breakfast, stop that. - (Bradford)  
 **199a.** The tuna-cheese melts' smell has been tracked to the barracks and more specifically to bunks belonging to Strike 8. Will Sgt. Xiao-Long report to us on her own or will I have to send someone? - (Bradford)  
 **199b.** Blaming your crimes on your teammates is bad enough, but justifying your accusations on the fact that they're a cat Faunus is _not_ the sort of behavior X-COM will stand for.  
 **199c.** Sgt. Xiao-Long is to apologize to Sgt. Belladonna _immediately_. - (Bradford)

* * *

 **200.** L. Cpl. Nikos, stop throwing your huntsman-partner at the enemy with your semblance, even if he gives the order. We've had too many close calls already.  
 **200a.** Even if you are strong enough to and he insists, stop throwing him at the enemy without your semblance.  
 **200b.** In anticipation Sgt. Xiao-Long is also prohibited from throwing L. Cpl. Arc.  
 **200c.** Order **200.** is now rescinded after your performance during Operation: Glass Hawk. The use of "Arc thrower" has been approved, provided the two of you practice it before missions. L. Cpl. Nikos is to work on her aim and L. Cpl. Arc on his landings.

* * *

 **201.** The rumors are correct, L. Cpl's. Arc and Nikos encountered "Grimm" during their last mission. These creatures are hostile, do not need sustenance and will not tire. Previously thought to have been exclusive to their world, they're now here. This not only raises troubling implications, but even worse fears of how our troops might act upon engaging this new foe. You're supposed to be the world's best, please act like it.  
 **201a.** Using Psi-panic on your squad mates is frowned upon, even if it draws Grimm from hiding.  
 **201ai.** Especially if you're targeting Rookies. Please consider employing this tactic on the X-rays instead.  
 **201b.** Stop trying to ride the Ursa. Not even the hunters have tried that during operations and they can at least survive getting that close.  
 **201bi.** We are aware of Sgt. Valkyrie's claim that she has ridden an Ursa during her huntress initiation test, but she has also claimed to have fought a mountain of pancakes possessed by a Grimm.  
 **201bii.** Sgt. Valkyrie is no longer allowed to tell stories about Grimm that don't offer at least some insight into fighting or killing them.  
 **201c.** While X-COM applauds L. Cpl. Miles' quick thinking when his weapon failed him during Operation: Frozen Law, in the future operatives are advised to not pick up Nevermore feathers and wield them as weapons. Instead try deploying your sidearm.  
 **201ci.** It doesn't matter how sharp they are. Plasma and reaper rounds cut the Grimm and X-rays down faster. They are also less likely to sever your fingers in use.

* * *

 **202.** On the subject of abbreviations, "X-ray" was chosen to refer to any alien contacts due to both the length and the cumbersomeness of the word "extraterrestrial". Now "Grimm" on the other hand is a short, single-syllable word  
which doesn't need to be shortened or referred to with a codename. Any of the following are either too long or will only create confusion during combat and as such should be avoided.

\- The darkness  
\- The heartless  
\- While "Golf" is recognized in the ICAO phonetic alphabet and as such we can accept that as a call sign for the creatures of Grimm, please do not refer to the sub-species known as _Beowolf_ with the name "Golf-wolf". It's too long and sounds ridiculous.  
\- The hollow  
\- The soulless  
\- Creeps (According to Lt. Rose, a subspecies of Grimm already exists by that name.)  
\- Shadows  
\- Various profanities. (You already refer to the aliens enough with those.)  
\- Profanities exclusive to Remnant. (While an interesting proposition, no.)  
\- Pigeons (We had a rookie open fire on some regular pigeons, giving away the squad's position. While the blame is mostly his, just call them Grimm or Nevermores.)

* * *

 **203.** We do not need to contain or " _put down_ " operatives who've received bite wounds from the Grimm. We're sure if such a need existed our operatives from Remnant would have informed us.  
 **203a.** Stop requesting for silver ammunition when plasma has proven to work just fine on all Grimm we have encountered so far.  
 **203ai.** Beowolves are not werewolves or lycantropes. X-COM does not recognize the existence of such things.  
 **203aii.** Just because we used to think the same about zombies does not prove werewolves and vampires are real as well.  
 **203b.** The mention of vampires was just an example.  
 **203bi.** Despite the rumors X-COM is neither hiding the existence or following the orders of an immortal council.  
 **203c.** This has gone on long enough. No more talk of vampires or werewolves. Any operatives wishing to augment themselves against "unholy forces" can drop by the barracks.  
Our resident priest, Sergeant O'Malley, has blessed an entire barrel of holy water for you. - (Bradford)

* * *

 **204.** While it is true that the Grimm are a new enemy to X-COM, their origin is presumably Remnant and therefore _extraterrestrial_. There is no intention (or need) of changing our name to "G-com" once the original extraterrestrial threat has been neutralized.  
 **204a.** The name "REMCOM" has been written down for future, if such a name is ever needed.

* * *

 **205.** An Ursa major is a tall creature and their bone-plated hides can indeed withstand several shots from plasma weapons before they'll die. However, their aggressiveness towards any crouched operatives nearby makes them less than ideal cover.  
 **205a.** Dying Ursa majors are an acceptable variant. Just remember that they lose much of their durability once they die, even if they do not decompose quite as fast as their counterparts on Remnant have been told to.

* * *

 **206.** MEC-pilots are to stop throwing Beowolves or lesser Ursai at the X-rays. While we did all share a laugh in the mission control room the first time it happened, the engineering wing is starting to get tired of having to repair, rustproof and repaint the MECs' arms every few days.  
 **206a.** Throwing the X-rays into the Grimm on the other hand seems to distract the horde, if only for a short time. Keep doing that.  
 **206b.** That ethereal getting abducted by a giant Nevermore was an unexpected and hilarious end to that operation. You still shouldn't have let it fly off.

* * *

 **207.** Corporal Mason, having been ruled an act of self-defense, no charges for killing an endangered animal will be placed upon you for shooting that Louisiana Black Bear.  
 **207a.** Dispose of that mounted head trophy before we change our minds.

* * *

 **208.** Base personnel are to cease borrowing scrolls to send messages to Remnant through the Hyperwave Relay without either a permission or guidance of senior staff.  
 **208a.** Especially if you're attempting to order take-out. You do realize that your orders cannot arrive as Headmaster Ozpin is the only person who knows where our entrance portal appears, right?  
 **208b.** The next person who attempts to order take-out from Headmaster Ozpin will be charged with endangering our diplomatic ties with Remnant.  
 **208c.** Beacon's Headmaster seems to have taken the earlier stupidity in good humor, even offering to add some of Remnant's cuisine onto the supply drops. We still want written apologies from the offenders so that we can send them to him.

* * *

 **209.** Rule **97.** has been rescinded with to the arrival of Penny Polendina, borrowed from our allies over at Remnant. Penny is a self-aware, learning A.I. outfitted into one of our Super Heavy Infantry Vehicles. She is combat ready and will soon be joining our operatives in the field.  
 **209i.** Salutations!  
 **209a.** Operative/S.H.I.V. Polendina is no longer allowed to access the administrative accounts without asking Dr. Shen's permission first.  
 **209ai.** Understood!  
 **209b.** Operative/S.H.I.V. Polendina is to never again use the public announcement system without getting a permission first and informing the staff. We have updated rule **132.** with **132e** in regards to this.  
 **209bi.** I'm sorry.

* * *

 **210.** Several Grimm samples have gone missing from the laboratories, nearly 50 kilograms of various parts including a head. If we find even one taxidermic recreation project, then the offender(s) will have their alcohol privileges removed, plasma weaponry downgraded to their laser counterparts and your disciplinary action will be dictated by Dr. Vahlen and Col. Zhang.  
 **210a.** We apologize for the above, it seems they were simply misplaced. The R&D staff found the missing 50 kilograms of Grimm in the main freezer.  
The staff would also like to thank the person who found the other 38 kilograms that we were not even aware of having gone missing.

* * *

 **211.** Engineering wing, I have located your "Lan-cave" and I am very disappointed in you. Skipping on work that could save lives is a disgusting violation of the trust we have put in you. You will be allowed to come and collect your hardware but _anything left by the end of the day I will personally smash to pieces._ \- (Col. Zhang)  
 **211a.** The "Game room" has been granted a stay of execution for now. After Strike 8 and Ms. Polendina are done with " _testing the artificial intelligence in a virtual combat environment_ " you have half an hour to clean the room before I arrive with a sledgehammer. – (Col. Zhang)  
 **211b.** Due to the petition, we have decided to keep the Game room as an experiment. All personnel will be required to punch in their ID-cards by the door when they enter and exit. Everyone will be allotted an hour and fifteen minutes every two days.  
– (Bradford)

* * *

 **212.** Sgt. Arc, you will either fight with honor or you will not fight at all. This is not how I've trained you. – (Col. Zhang)  
 **212a.** Operative/S.H.I.V. Polendina is to stop aim-assisting Sgt. Arc in games.  
 **212ai.** Understood!

* * *

 **213.** Yesterday, Tech Sergeant Belladonna and Field Commander Van Doorn called in an airstrike on a historically significant courthouse. While regrettable, the hostiles inside had to be neutralized even at the cost of the collateral damage.  
 **213a** Stop asking the Firestorm pilots to destroy buildings for you just so you can scratch that off your bucket list. All airstrikes within city limits risk civilian casualties.  
 **213ai.** " _But they're empty_." is not a valid excuse. If they're empty, why would we need to raze them?  
 **213b.** X-COM does not favor it's elite over other troops by giving them special privileges to, for example, demolish buildings as they wish.  
 **213bii.** Whoever wrote the "X-COMmunist manifesto" on the bathroom wall, be advised that incitement to mutiny, even if for a joke, can be taken into court martial. We are willing to forget this ever happened if you clean it up.

* * *

 **214.** Dr. Vahlen does not use Sgt. Valkyrie as a part of her "interrogation set". The reason why she was inside the interrogation chamber was because the Elite Muton had to be put down after the chamber's lock failed.  
 **214a.** Stop spreading such rumors, they're making people nervous around her.  
 **214b.** More so than usually.

* * *

 **215.** "Gidjit" is a captured alien intelligence that is being watched over by Operative/S.H.I.V. Polendina. She is _not_ keeping an X-ray as a pet and neither are you.

* * *

 **216.** Enough with the _"Think fast!"_ practical jokes on our hunters. Seven times out of eight they will simply use their superior reflexes to catch your projectile in such a way that they're not bothered (if they don't just dodge it) and if you try it on Sgt. Arc you might trigger his semblance and get flung to the wall.

* * *

 **217.** Major Durand, report to the armory for the Psi-Armor fitting.  
 **217a.** Lt. Rose, **197a.** is still in effect. Please contain your excitement.  
 **217b.** They're waiting for you Durand. In the Gollop chambe _r._

* * *

 ** _\- Due to our current situation, the three of us see no reason to continue updating this list further._**

* * *

 _This may be the final email sent within this base and if it is, I would like to say that through the easier and the more difficult times, serious and silly, it has not only been a unique experience, but an honor working with you all. I would like to thank our operatives for their past and forthcoming deeds in service of mankind. I would also like to thank the research and engineering teams for their incredible work on everything around us.  
_

 _The aliens are done playing with us. They're burning down our cities, extinguishing lives by the thousands. A strike team of our heaviest hitters has been deployed to put an end to this and much of this strike team consists of our allies from Remnant._

 _They've given so much for the freedom and survival of our world, they've shed blood and sweat for us in missions and in helping us develop our technologies. Now they're out there_ _fighting to make sure we still have homes to return to when the sun sets._ _We owe them much and the least we can do for them is to hold this base to the last operative standing._

 _They too deserve to see their homes again._ _X-rays inbound in 30 minutes. Good luck people. Let's give them hell._

 _ **Vigilo Confido,**_

 **John Bradford**  
 **Central Officer**

* * *

 **The end of it. I really got far too addicted to using the horizontal lines in this one, but I felt it contributed into making it slightly more pleasing to the eye, having the rules segmented like that.  
**

I enjoyed writing this quite a lot, though I have to admit there were a few headaches. The constantly upgrading ranks of Strike 8 proved to be an issue, as I had to cursorily scan the story atleast a few times to keep up with the changing ranks of the huntsmen and huntresses. Field Commander Van Doorn also had me confused, as I became convinced that "Field Commander" Wasn't an actual rank so much as just some temporary leader title like "Actual". Thanks to DrAmishMD for clearing that up in a private message.

Another thing that made writing this a bit difficult was trying to place things in the right order. I would imagine anyone reading this noticed that there are mentions of team JNPR as early as entry **175d** , but they're said to have arrived around **186.** My original idea was to just have things added in the order they happened in the story, but that would just lead to the list being filled with repeating situations. I suppose that was one of the main strenghts of the original "List of things XCOM Operatives are not allowed to do", it was a story that wasn't really confined with keeping timeline up and running. In the end I opted to make it an updating list, where older rules might have had new bits added to them as late as near the end of the story.

But the part that took me the most time was that ending speech. In the original draft it was going to be a short speech from doctors Vahlen and Shen with a quick comment from Bradford at the end, but I struggled to make them sound like they had been written in the original story. In the original, I even wanted to have Shen's part be basicly  
 _"I'd say a few words as well, but I'd just be repeating Vahlen so instead let me tell the staff this: We've set mines in the airducts around engineering, you're welcome."_

Problem was that Shen and the engies weren't written to have done something like that during the final chapters and I really didn't feel confident enough writing against that. I'd like to think it ended up being good enough of a speech, even if it's a bit too sugary.

One more thing I want to adress which I suspect not a lot of people give a single toss about is my choise of not [Redacting] names. I simply felt it would have gotten in the way of a lot of my jokes, not to mention it would have made it hard to keep referring to the developing story if I couldn't name drop characters and what they'd done.

 **By now I suspect the readers have already moved on. I have a tendency to drag my outros by rambling about the thought processes I had during the writing of a story. I like behind the scenes stuff when it comes to writing. Still, whether you made it this far or just skipped and your eyes landed on the bolded font at the bottom, thank you for reading and have a good day!**


End file.
